Midnight Cookies

Okay kids, I'm finally going to pay attention to you. And we'll be starting with one of my favorite recipes, from one of my favorite recipe books: 1001 Cupcakes, Cookies and Other Tempting Treats. Srsly, gais, this is my fukken bible. Which is to say, a book I borrow heavily from for my own devices.

Okay, mutherfukkers, let's get this party goin'!

Pic from here, because I'm lazy.

Get yer shit together:
9 T butter (Real butter)
1 c sugar (plus some extra for later)
1 egg
1/2 t vanilla extract
1 c all purpose flour
1/3 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 t baking soda

Okay kids, first, preheat your Satanic hotbox to at least 350, or 180 for y'all in the civilized world.

Second, beat that butter and sugar like you are the mutherfukken Hulk and it's Loki and he's just been too goddamn adorable until it is as soft and cuddly as Hiddles himself. Add your chicken's period and vanilla--I hope you're using the real shit, you shit--and keep letting your inner Hulk be free!

Now that you're Bruce Banner again, add your dry ingredients slowly. This isn't rocket surgery, but you like your kitchen kinda clean, right?

Okay, now roll out your dough into balls slightly smaller than your beer pong balls that I'm sure you know well. Roll those muthers in some sugar (ya know, if you want to give these a lovely crunch).

Then, bake these delicious bastards in your hell-portal for 10 to 13 minutes.

WIN.

OKAY SOME AFTER NOTES.

I reccomend making at least a double batch of these--or tell no one that you've made them. Of course, nothing is sadder than a tea party for one. Oh god, except a tea party for one where you dressed up? 

Oh hon. Are you okay? Need a talk?